Just a waste of time and money

Well I have decided to cancel my weight watchers account for a number of reasons. First with the kids, a full time job and about 30 minutes to my self on a daily basis, I decided to cancel the account. I just can't keep up with the points and logging and all that is required. Plus the cost! I lost 60+ lbs on my own years ago when I set my mind to it and I am setting my mind to do it again, dammit!

What I did do to make things better is buy the iTunes app for the South Beach diet for my phone for $1.99. I rejected the offer of an additional $4.99 for the additional recipes for now. I start tomorrow so wish me luck. Tonight I am drinking my last Belgo Belgian style Pale ale and enjoying a dessert of chocolate chip banana cake for the last time for awhile.

I love the South Beach diet, I really do. The first time I was on it I lost close to 30 pounds and the second time was closer to 20. Both times resulted in a pregnancy might I add so I stopped following it. Three boys is plenty, thank you very much.

But this time I am going to do it. I know, I know! Sure you are! Right? You, the reader who has followed me knows that losing weight is a topic that I am constantly talking about. But this time something is different. It hit me the other day that I am overweight, really overweight. My clothes hurt my skin, and the it just broke my heart to think of what this has done to my husband.

I know he loves me unconditionally but I have gained close to 50 pounds over our almost 14 year marriage and using the excuse that I've had three kids in a four year period is getting old. My youngest is 6 for goodness sakes! I also don't want to be a fat mom. If you didn't have a fat mom growing up then you might not understand. I was teased and forced to defend my moms weight when to me it didn't matter, but kids can be mean. The other day my youngest who is 6 called me "fatty". That hurt but he's right, I am fat. But don't for a second think that I let him get away with calling me that. He had a talking to about name calling, I don't wants kids to be judgmental. So that's that in a nutshell. Tomorrow I start phase one of South Beach and I am going to do great! I will post again about this topic in two weeks to let y'all know how I did then its on to phase 2. Hope you had a great weekend. I had an epiphany about my life and what I want, and it's not to be overweight anymore!

Crazy weather!

Hubby and I were talking about the crazy weather we have been having. And quite frankly I am sick of it. Apparently we have had the hottest months of June and July on record. We have also had more hail storms than I care to count. Our garden is a sad little mess of bruised and broken plants. My beautiful petunia’s have grown back only to be pulverized once again and our heirloom tomatoes are the size of grapes and scarred by the hail. The only plants that seem to have made it thus far is the onions and garlic.  Thankfully the rain has helped our grass though.  I really want Autumn to come and stay for awhile so I can knit and bake to my hearts content. And the idea of cool, crisp Autumn nights for sleeping sounds like heaven! The kids go back to school on Monday, and I have yet to get school supplies. I started back to work on Monday and so far so good but my hand is killing me. I am hoping my doctor will agree to a cortisone shot to help with the pain, otherwise I don’t know what to do. Taking 6 Advil a day is not my idea of pain control. Well have a great rest of the week.

Good news.

As I wrote in my last post I had scheduled an appointment with a hand specialist. I saw him on Monday and he agrees nothing is broken but a sprain can take a long time to fully heal. He wanted me to schedule an MRI to determine if there was ligament or tissue damage and when I scheduled the appointment and was told I would need to pay $1000 out of pocket up front, I cancelled. I am just not in the financial position to spend that kind of money on my self. If the pain persist or gets worse than I might reconsider but since I have been our of work for a month and have no income I can’t feel good about spending that much money on myself when the kids need new shoes, clothes and supplies for school. What if the test comes back that everything is fine, and all it is is a very painful sprain. Then I am out $1000. I am already out a months income at this point so I just can’t justify spending that money on myself.

The good news is that the doctor fully released me to go back to work, so I will start back up Monday. Even though it’s stressful to be around three boys who bicker constantly and who create the biggest messes for me to clean up I have enjoyed my month off with them. I am not one of those moms who wants to work, more like one who needs work to help the family financially. If we could afford to have me stay home, I would. I love being with my kids more than anything but I have also gained a lot from going back to work. A confidence in myself that some moms tend to loss when they cut off ties from the outside world to stay home.  I earn money to help my family, I earn money to spend on myself and my kids. I don’t have to ask hubby to buy something or buy my gas. I hate asking him for money so  having a job and freedom feels awesome. I love that I can just take my kids out to eat without asking Jas if we have enough money for that. My kids go back to school in a week so I have been home for half of their break which was nice for all of us.  This weekend is going to be mellow but I will leave you with some photos from the Colorado Renaissance Festival we attended last weekend.  The boys were so against going because they didn’t know what it was but as soon as they got there and saw the horses and jousters, swords, bow and arrows and all the fun festivities they didn’t want to leave.  Have a great weekend, and I am really going to try to post more.

 

Colorado Renaissance Festival photos 1. Triquetra tattoo that I am thinking of getting. 2. My three boys. 3. A man showing Henry how to properly shake another mans hand (up high to feel for weapons). 4 Jack and a sword. 5. Jack getting the “flaming skull” face paint. 6. King and King greeting Owen. 7. The boys meeting a dragon. 8. Jack with his messy face paint and me with my fresh-flower crown. 9 A fun filter I used for Jack’s flaming skull face. 10. The archers in our back yard with their new bows and arrows.

This goes beyond an update!

At this point I am not sure anyone reads my blog anymore which is fine, I just need a place to journal but thanks to those who still check in from time to time. Looking back my last post was October of last year. I was still in school working on my CNA certification which is a requirement of my school to go on to the nursing classes. At this point in time I have decided to continue working on my pre-requisites and not get my Associates in nursing but continue working towards my Bachelor’s degree. On December 31st I passed my state boards for the CNA and in April got a fulltime job at a rehabilitation hospital which I love! I work with patient who have suffered a traumatic brain injury from one accident or another. It’s hard work but very rewarding. I really love my job and the hospital that I work for.

Unlike most jobs I am not micro-managed. I come in, find out who my patient is and get to work. Most days I work with only one or two patients. I am what is called a Behavioral Attendant which means I am a one on one rehab tech for a patient who requires one on one attention. It’s a measure our hospital takes to ensure that a patient who is confused or needs constant supervision because they have a trach or another medical issue gets the attention they need. I love that about our hospital. Our patients really are cared for. So to bring you to date. I am not working at this time because a month ago I fell while with my kids and my natural reaction to brace myself kicked into place I landed directly on my hand and injured it. First appointment I was given a brace and sent home to do a follow up. At the follow up appointment my hand was x-rayed and I was told I broke a bone in my wrist and they put a cast on. A cast that went from fingers to elbow. Another follow up appointment a week and a half later showed I did not break anything and the cast was removed. WTF? The same radiologist read both x-rays and all of a sudden I don’t have a broken wrist. Don’t get me wrong I am happy about this BUT I have been on medical leave and I feel like I look like an idiot calling my job one week telling them I would be casted for 6 to 8 weeks, and almost 2 weeks later I had to call them and tell them it would be more like 3 weeks.

So Monday I have an appointment with the specialist who performed my carpal tunnel surgeries on my hands a few years back. My hand still hurts, I can type only because my wrist doesn’t move but don’t ask me to lift anything heavy or write for that matter. So frustrating. So we shall see what Monday brings. Have a great weekend. We will be doing more Geocaching tomorrow and then this weekend we are headed to the Renaissance Festival in Larkspur!

Braced hand

Casted hand

October 2011 photos

Teeny tiny Mochimochi candy corn. Isn’t he cute?

Bobbles the Sheep dishcloth  This was my first attempt at bobbles and might be my last.

Mr. Caterpoopypants is our pet.{JJ} caught him the other day and I felt bad about releasing him outside since the weather channel was predicting major snow and temperatures in the teens. SO I pick fresh lilac leaves for him twice a day which he loves to eat. One thing I never knew about caterpillars, not that I know a lot about them, is that they poop a lot!
 

{O} playing the lap steel and {H} practicing on his drum pad.


{O} at Rock Park on a class hike

 

My three wild & crazy handsome boys! I love them so!
All four of my guys decorating Halloween cookies last night!

My latest knitting addiction!

Teeny Tiny Mochimochi

Boo! Teeny Tiny ghost! Today I made three ghosts for my boys and they loved them and of course I have orders (from them) to make every single teeny tiny in the book!

First day of clinicals

Due to HIIPA rules and regulations I can’t say much about my first day of clinicals but all in all I really enjoyed myself. I give credit to those who are CNA’s who truly care about their jobs and residents. It is  a tough back breaking job and really really icky. Changing an adult diaper is nothing like changing a baby by any means. BUT I handle it better than I expected. In class I was very uncomfortable with the idea of seeing a grown adult naked but once the moment happened the part that got me through it was the fact that these people need someone to care about them and give them the respect and dignity they deserve.

I am actually looking forward to going back next weekend. Some of the residents were a hoot and others broke your heart but I could really see how much our presence meant to them. I had so many residents genuinely thank me for just being patient and kind and doing a simple task for them like adjusting their foot in their wheelchair or adjusting them in their beds. I think without really realizing it having a mom who was in and out of a wheelchair and who lived in a hospital bed most of my life really had an impact on me and even though I was only 14 when she died those years of taking care of her taught me a lot.

When I first started this class it really made me second guess my decision to become a nurse but now I am positive that this is what I want!

High Five dude!

Wednesday Without Words

 

Think Crafts winner!

I had an awesome surprise waiting for me today when I visited a crafts website that I recently found through Pinterest!  Last week I repinned a Halloween project for a Henna Pumpkin that I'd like to make from a site called Think Crafts! While I was there drolling over all the projects I'd love to make I entered the weekly giveaway and today I found out I won!

I won an ArtBin Super Satchel. How cool is that? I’ve never won anything online before! Sometimes I enter because I really really like the prize (like the ArtBin Super Satchel) but most times I don’t enter if I don’t have a real use for the prize, I’d rather have someone else win it. I always enter yarn contests and sadly have never won so this was a nice surprise! When I showed my husband I won this giveaway I made him laugh when I said "Do you know what I could do with this!?" Apparently I was really giddy and serious when I said it and he knows how I am about products that feed the need to organize!
Thank you Think Crafts!

Get Involved | Global Exchange

Global Exchange’s Fair Trade Cocoa Campaign
presents the Fifth Annual:
Reverse Trick-or-Treating!

Get Involved | Global Exchange

It’s one kit per family, I am ordering mine today!

Sights & smells of Autumn

1. Finally some new blossoms on my Lavendar plant! My kids and I always walk by this plant and rub the leaves and smell our hands! One of my favorite scents!
2. Nothing says "Fall!" like a beautiful Mum! Did you know that they can survive in temps as low as -20 degrees? I didn't but the info tag that came with said it could.
3. Oh my, not only do these fresh loaves of Pumpkin bread look yummy, they taste yummy! My whole house smells delicious!
4. Our beautiful Aspens are losing leaves and changing colors.

Wednesday Without Words

What’s for supper

I am not much of a cook but every once in awhile I will find a recipe that I enjoy making for my family. I do love to bake so my meals are always followed by something yummy. It “encourages” the boys to at least try the meal when they know that a nice homemade cupcake is waiting for them afterwards. Since we had a little taste of fall last week I was inspired to cook a meal worthy of autumn weather so I went out and bought organic pumpkin puree for homemade pumpkin cupcakes and  the fixings for White Chili. My house is still filled with the scents of ginger, cinnamon and allspice.
Here’s the recipe for the White Chili from my Betty Crocker cookbook. This recipe is awesome and is great with a dollop of sour cream on top. I go easy with the basil since it’s such a strong flavored spice. I start out using only 1 teaspoon and add a sprinkle if needed. I used the full amount my first time making this and it overpowered the flavor.

• PREP TIME20 Min
• TOTAL TIME1 Hr. 30 Min

1/4 cup butter or margarine

1 large onion, chopped (1 cup)

1 garlic clove, finely chopped

4 cups 1/2-inch cubes cooked chicken or turkey

3 cups Progresso® chicken broth (from 32-oz. carton)

2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

1 tablespoon dried basil leaves

2 teaspoons ground red chilies or Chili powder

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

2 cans (15 to 16 oz. each) great northern beans, undrained

1 medium tomato, chopped (3/4 cup)

Blue or yellow corn tortilla chips

• 1 Melt butter in 4-quart Dutch oven over medium heat. Cook onion and garlic in butter, stirring occasionally until onion is tender.
• 2 Stir in remaining ingredients except tomato and tortilla chips. Heat to boiling; reduce heat. Cover and simmer 1 hour, stirring occasionally. Serve with tomato and tortilla chips.

Here’s the recipe for the Pumpkin cupcakes which I found on MarthaStewart.com They were awesome as well. The only thing I would change is adding less butter next time. I am not sure how that would change the recipe but the cupcake liners were very greasy once the cupcakes were baked and cooling. The cupcake itself was not greasy so I am not sure I would cut out that much or maybe just add a tablespoon more of flour. I’ll test this out next time. This time I doubled the liners so in this photo you can’t see how much absorbed into the first liner. Anyhow the recipe says it yields 18 cupcakes but I ended up with 24 nice size cupcakes. More to enjoy!  I frosted them with a cream cheese frosting and topped them off with grated chocolate toffee bar. To.die.for!

Ingredients

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon coarse salt
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1 cup packed light-brown sugar
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
• 4 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 1 can (15 ounces) pumpkin puree

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pans with paper liners; set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and allspice; set aside.
2. In a large bowl, whisk together, brown sugar, granulated sugar, butter, and eggs. Add dry ingredients, and whisk until smooth. Whisk in pumpkin puree.
3. Divide batter evenly among liners, filling each about halfway. Bake until tops spring back when touched, and a cake tester inserted in the center comes out clean, 20 to 25 minutes, rotating pans once if needed. Transfer to a wire rack; let cool completely.

New name, same blog.

 

I have for awhile wanted to change the name of my blog to Bitchalittle in honor of my mom Loretta who died on her 41st birthday when I was 14.  Bitchalittle was a name given to her by her best friends. My mom was all of 4”11” and feisty as hell. It was a nickname of strength not insult. My mom had a dysfunctional upbringing, an abusive marriage and then 2 car accidents requiring 11 back surgeries that in reality ended her life. She was brave enough to leave home at 15 to get on her own, she was brave enough to leave my dad after he almost killed her and she fought a good fight with her health. I always hope that she has a second chance at life one day because I don’t know anyone more deserving of happiness than my mom.

My mom’s friends had a little stone engraved with the word “Bitchalittle” on it and when she died I kept it as a reminder of the struggles my mom faced, it reminds me that I can face anything and even if I don’t overcome them I gave it my best.

Anywho, this is my new blog and the other one will be gone soon.

I <3 Autumn!

Autumn is the best time of year in my opinion. My flowers are still alive and doing great, our grass is recovering from the heat and dryness, our garden is actually growing nicely  thanks to the reprieve of hot nights and even hotter days.   It’s a very relaxing peaceful time of the year for me. All the wonderful colors, smells and baked goods! And let’s not forget knitting in the fall, it rocks! When everything else is slowing down, I feel revived during this time of year. Hopeful, serene. I wish it could be this way always!

Weekly Workouts!

Tuesday September 6, 2011 – 1.5 miles – 2.4 km. Started to feel under the weather during my workout and went home and fell asleep!)
Thursday September 8, 2011 – 1 hour on the elliptical w/20% incline (This workout went by very quickly as I was reading my nursing textbook.)
Friday September 9, 2011 – 3.1 miles – 4.98 km – probably over did it yesterday but had to get in at least 3 workouts this week.
I didn’t lose any weight this week, but stayed the same. I didn’t eat as well as I should have but am allowed to have off weeks! So there!

Happy 41st Birthday to my husband!

We are having a nice mellow day at home with the family. Dinner plans are Jason’s yummy street tacos and my newest enchilada dish and of course his favorite, cupcakes.

I love growing old with him. I met my husband when he was 25 years old and we will be celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks. It’s hard to believe how much time has gone by and all the wonderful things we have accomplished and the challenges we’ve overcome.  I told him today that he wasn’t a year older but a year better.

Here we are after a few months dating getting ready for Easter dinner at my sister’s house. We look so young (and skinny!) The bottom photo is of my honey today on our porch swing. Happy Birthday SweetZ.

 

 

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in my comments or over at SouleMama’s for all to find and see.

Weekly workouts

Monday August 22, 2011: 3.5 miles = 5.6 km - good energy

Wednesday August 24, 2011: 3.31 miles = 5.3 km - good energy

Friday August 26, 2011: 3.28 miles = 5.2 km - had to really push myself to keep going.

in between daily workouts I do a number of toning exercises at home.